For more information on domestic violence:

If one or more of these describes your relationship, it may be abusive or unhealthy:

Your partner...

  • Was abusive in a former relationship; may blame their ex for the problem.
  • Is charming, enters your life during a crisis, and seem to take charge and make everything “better.”
  • Refuses to talk or sulks when there is a problem.
  • Slams doors, shouts, or calls you names during a disagreement.
  • Loses their temper frequently and more easily (or more explosively) than seems appropriate.
  • Makes frequent promises to change or improve their behavior, but never seems to.
  • Seems to have very low self-esteem and may consider themselves a failure despite others’ perceptions of their success.
  • Will accept no responsibility for any mistakes at home, work, with family, etc.
  • Uses intimate information or your insecurities to hurt you or humiliate you.
  • Threatens to “out” you to family, work, or friends.
  • Says you’re not really a lesbian, gay man, or bisexual person.
  • Says you’re not a ”real” man or woman.
  • Blames you for the times he or she yells at you, manipulates you, or hurts you.
  • Is jealous of any other significant person in your life.
  • Expects you spend all of your free time with them, or to keep them informed of you whereabouts when you do not.
  • Accuses you of lying about where you have been and whom you have been with.
  • Accuses you of having affairs with other people
  • Is demanding and uses non-consensual force during sex.
  • Ignores “safe words”
  • Tries to punish you by refusing to have sex when you want to
  • Destroys your property or hurts pets.
  • Buys you flowers or gifts to show how sorry they are they hurt you.
  • Manipulates you by threatening to hurt or kill themselves
  • Use drugs and/or alcohol excessively
  • Appears to have a dual personality; one moment they are charming and warm and the next, angry, violent, or cruel.
  • Has oppressive beliefs and values: racism, classism, sexism, homophobia, ableism, etc., and puts you or others down for differences.
  • Threatens to hit or slap you
  • Hits, kicks, beats, pushes, shoves, or slaps you.